So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
