Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
