big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
