me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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