At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize