I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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