if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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