they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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