can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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