my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
