while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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