So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
