so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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