...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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