so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
a search helicopter?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
