fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
