My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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