Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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