Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
