windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
