its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
