Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
