Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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