Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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