while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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