the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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