I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
