If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
