Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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