Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
