dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
