The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
