You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
