You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
