I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
