Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
