BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
