i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize