Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
