Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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