you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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