I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
