I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
