I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Even my vagina gasped.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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