dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
