So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
