I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
