I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
