I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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