I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
