from now on my penis is your penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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