..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
