Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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