this beer tastes like vomit already
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
