i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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