Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
