things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
