he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
