You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
