Already got asked if we're dating
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
