I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
