i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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