Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
