I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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