I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
