turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
