Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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