She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
