im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
