My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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